he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
