I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
