my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
