If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
