Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
