idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
