Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
