I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
