He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
How's work?
Spinning.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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