HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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