Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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