from now on my penis is your penis
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
