I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
