When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize