good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
