we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize