Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He uses pillows to masturbate.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize