i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
