fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
