Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
