i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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