i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize