Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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