you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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