I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
