if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
