u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need a beard to bite.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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