my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
