That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
