so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
