tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Randomize
