Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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