Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
