i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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