I can tuck mytits in my pants
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
