I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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