She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
