Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
