how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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