I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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