the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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