just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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