ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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