At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
