it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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