i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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