I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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