well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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