this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
