i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
