Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
