tell your sister to shave her snatch
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
