you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
