just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
