i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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