just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
