i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
