John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
