Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
