So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
