the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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