when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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