i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
