just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
