Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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