all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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