I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
