I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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